


james

by ImmaKashootMyself



Series: people never done a good thing [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, James Buchanan Barnes is a Mom charmer and yall know thats facts, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, also mildly graphic description of brain shit??? like what they did to my sons brain yk??, and not on his speech? so he's got a stutter and his sentences are all fragments, brain stuff!, dont have a mom? you do now., dont have a mom? you do now. im your mom and i love him. see it's true, hey there right now im planning for this to be m but?? it might escalate who knows, his sisters are riots, if i make it too confusing let me know, im your mom and i love him., keep an eye on the rating!, otherwise sambucky will be??? kinda odd to you esp since im not calling him bucky this time around, please please read this b4 you read dont you yell at my wife, that means there are blocks of paragraph which are broken up jumbled thoughts its fun to write, this is a stream of thought fic, uh bucky's brain is healing so it's focusing on healing, we love love love sam's mom she's a goddess, your mom takes one look and she loves him instantly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 05:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20334901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmaKashootMyself/pseuds/ImmaKashootMyself
Summary: Sam came tearing around the corner, stopping abruptly in front of Bucky. "No," he breathed. "No, no, no. I'm too late. Oh my God, I'm too late." Covering his face with his hands, Sam dropped heavily into the chair next to Bucky.Bucky was still staring at the wall blankly, unmoving. He looked over to his left at a distraught Sam.Then it hit him like a ton of bricks.Captain America.Steven Grant Rogers.Steve.Stevie.He was dead, and Bucky Barnes was no longer at the end of his rope. The rope had snapped, throwing him into an abyss, falling falling falling. No Sasha. No Asset. No Bucky. Just James. It had been a long time.





	james

Bucky sat outside Steve's hospice room, the deafening tone of the flatline still ringing in his ears. 

Sam came tearing around the corner, stopping abruptly in front of Bucky. "No," he breathed. "No, no, no. I'm too late. Oh my God, I'm too late." Covering his face with his hands, Sam dropped heavily into the chair next to Bucky. 

Bucky was still staring at the wall blankly, unmoving. He looked over to his left at a distraught Sam.

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

Captain America. 

Steven Grant Rogers.

Steve.

Stevie.

He was dead, and Bucky Barnes was no longer at the end of his rope. The rope had snapped, throwing him into an abyss, falling falling falling. No Sasha. No Asset. No Bucky. Just James. It had been a long time. 

James slid out of his chair onto the floor. For the first time in decades, his face crumpled, and he let out a heartbreaking wail. Sam's head snapped up at the sound. He looked down towards the floor at the scariest motherfucker on the planet and sniffled. He was shaking, deep, broken sobs, and as Sam looked down, he started to cry too. 

Slowly and carefully Sam reached down and placed his and on the other man's shoulder.

James tensed up. What. Touch. Not ow. Soft. Soft touch, not ow, good? Soft touch is good. Who is touching it is SamuelThomasWilsonAliasFalconSam on your left? Sam. Sam is touching. That is good. Why is he touching. He is crying what why is he crying. James is crying why? Sam cries for Steve.  _ Steve _ . Steve is gone that's why we cry. No more Stevie no more Bucky goodbye. Sam was friends with Steve. Sam is sad about Steve just like James good touch soft Sam is soft he has soft touch.

James leaned into the touch, weeping intensifying. Sam slid onto the floor as well. James let his head gradually fall into Sam's lap, and they sat there. They sat on the hallway floor, curled into each other and crying. 

A few hours later, Sam picked himself up from the floor. "Hey, man. I'm gonna go see my mom. You need a lift anywhere?" 

James stood shakily, speech thick and broken. "Yes, I should. Go see my ma. Too. Cemetery in Red Hook." 

Sam's face took on a melancholy quality. "Do you - I can - I can come with you if you want. After, we can both go see my mom. She'd love you. She's got enough love to go around, and… you seem like you need some." 

James did a double-take"You… you would do that? For me? Why?" 

Sam scrounged for an answer but only came up with the truth. "I want to. You coming?"

Nodding mutely, James got into Sam's car with him and they began the drive to Red Hook.

"He's gone," James said suddenly. "The Asset. He isn't here anymore. Gone. There is only me now. I am. Not sure what to do. It's been a long time since just me in here. Sam. Do you know? What to do? How to. How to be me again?" 

Sam exhaled slowly. "I don't. I can do my best to help, but I think you might have to figure that one out yourself. Hey, the team and I have just been calling you Soldier, and I noticed it makes you uncomfortable. Now that there's no more Soldier, what do you want me to call you?" 

The Asset Bucky  James furrowed his eyebrows. Insufficient data. What? Want? Call you what to call you us to call you call you. Name! Call you, name, what name what name  The Asset Bucky 

"James."

Sam looked surprised. "Really? Not Bucky?"

James shook his head. "I spent. Too much time. Trying to be him, to be Bucky. For him. Be Bucky for  _ him _ , not for  _ me _ . I am tired of Bucky. Bucky is for him. He is gone. I do not need to be. Bucky. To make him happy. I want. James." 

When they arrived at the cemetery, James looked around, lost. "Can you. Help me find them? Winifred. Elenora. Rebecca. Char- Charlotte. Not George, stay away from. George. Bad."

"Of course. I'll holler if I find them." 

Three minutes later, Sam hollered. "Hey, James! Over here!" 

James stared at the overgrown grave of Winifred Elizabeth Barnes and fell to his knees. "Hey, ma. I'm - I'm sorry. For not coming to visit. Sooner. You were right. I don't r - r - remember a lot of things. But I. Remember you. And me on the fire escape. You looked me. Dead in the eyes and told me. Told me he'd break my heart. Ma. I should've li- list. Listened. Listened I'm so sorry. I didn't listen and I followed. Him to the end of the line. And now look where. It's got me. He took me for. Granted and left me. Just like you said Mama left. Me all alone just like you said. And now he's gone and I'm. Alone. I miss you Mama I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't. Listen. Ma please. Forgive me. I love you I'm sorry."

He stood and roughly wiped away his tears. Sam noticed he was pinching his right forearm with his left fingers in an attempt to make himself stop crying. "Hey, James? You know - you know it's okay for you to cry, right? Nobody's gonna hurt you. You can feel, James, it's okay." 

"I think-" James croaked out his words, finally making heart wrenching eye contact with Sam. "I think I forgot how." 

"Why don't you start with just saying everything that comes to mind? That way if an emotion pops up it's been voiced? Try not to repress anything, even if it's negative. Do you wanna work on that later?" 

"I'd like that. Like that. Hm. I want to see Becca then. We can go. I'll talk to Lottie and An. Anna later." 

It took them five minutes to find the grave of Rebecca Barnes-Proctor. 

"Barnes-Proctor? She got. Married. My baby sister got. Married and I wasn't there to. Walk her down the aisle. We ag. Agreed. Dad would not so I would do. It. She got married Becca got married and I wasn't there. Did she have. Kids? Did Becca have kids and I wasn't there oh. My God. Married and kids and I wasn't there she. Thought I was dead I let her down. Becca I'm sorry. Becs I wish. I could've been there for. You I love you I'm so. Sorry I wasn't. There to give you away. I promise I'll. Watch out for your. Grandkids okay? I promise I'm sorry. I love. You Rebecca." 

Sam extended a hand towards the ground where James kneeled, helping him up. “You okay, man?”

James looked at Sam, looking honest to god miserable. “No.”

“James, what's your favorite kind of pie?”

He pouted, confused. “I don't remember. But I don't like. Apple or st-st-st strawberry rhubarb.”

Sam smiled softly. “Neither does my mom. If she asks you what your favorite anything is, do not answer unless you want my poor mama to make 15,000 pies in three seconds. You blink and all of a sudden you're covered in blankets and assorted foods.”

James hummed as they got into the car. “I like blankets and assorted foods.”


End file.
